Relationships with others start with the relationship you have with yourself.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength
by Kelly Corrigan vid

There are some people who never do understand what the word 'relationship' even means, for their whole lives. They take and they take and expect the world and everyone to revolve around them and their needs, their hopes, their dreams and are just not capable of being in a relationship with others, let alone with themselves.

Your experience of close relationship will probably be extremely important in discovering WHO you are.  In close relationship each partner can serve as a mirror to the other so that ego, games, and manipulations can be unveiled.  If there is clarity of mind, willingness to learn, honesty, and compassion, relationship can help you sort out and let go of the plots and ploys you've learned and refined.  Of course, without clarity, when ego is running the show, it's nearly impossible to learn quickly and change.  Rather, there is a resistance to change that usually results in abuse and suffering.  Frequently, divorce will not change the way people live and love.  They will fall back into the same choices and patterns that destroyed their previous relationships.  Counseling may or may not help depending on the level of awareness of the counselor and the degree to which the principals agree to be honest and ready to look at their own patterns and manipulations.

People often prefer to share their life with another for a variety of reasons.  A frequently voiced reason is that they are looking for their other "half" as though another person will complete them, that the other will fill a void in them.  This can be expressed in a  "mathematical" expression: 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4.  Wholeness cannot  come from two incomplete people joining in a partnership.  Often the outcome is disastrous.  Of course, if one is abusive and the other is committed to playing victim there will be a modicum of satisfaction in that they help each other play out their roles.  If they get along well  they still might not help each other move to clarity and wholeness.  That's OK, too.  There is no right or wrong.  Just experience.  Sooner or later they'll get the picture and change themselves and/or changes their partners.  One clue is if a person has had many marriages, or many marriages and relationships and none 'stuck'. If a person jumps from one to the next, to the next, then they clearly don't have the skills necessary to form and keep a long term partner. These things have to be considered as an important personality trait when one is getting involved or even thinking of getting involved with a new partner.

In his book "I Am" Michael Grinder states that all relationships are really about the relationship with yourself, while the journey seems to be outside, it is an inner one. I have observed that the older a person gets, the harder it is, because not so much that they are 'set in their ways', but they have spent many years forming their personalities, finding their likes and dislikes and are in their comfort zones. Most people are not as flexible as they get older and have a hard time even wanting to change, wanting others to just 'accept them as they are', even willing to live alone for the rest of their lives so they don't have to grow and adapt.

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You think online dating is the way to go? Better think it over carefully, here is at least one storie about a 'cyberpath' who targets women and their stories.

'The Mysterious Music Man'   Nicole Tindall met a man online who seemed too perfect to be true. He said he was deeply connected within the music industry, and could help her career if she was willing to invest

A Cyberpath's View of the World A Cyberpath/ Narcissist is like a vampire who drains the emotional and even physical energy out of those close to him. He identifies and cultivates his prey, using them as a source of supply to feed his never-ending egotistical needs.Should his source not be good enough, he will dump it and can cut people off in an instant without a second thought. If he believes that the source has potential to be a good one, he will however nurture it and cultivate it carefully. This is where his charming self comes into play.

Twenty Special Secrets ~ Vernon Howard ~
this coming from a man, comments under from a woman

He) 1. When two people meet, the prize always goes to the one with the most self-insight. He/she will be calmer, more confident, more at ease with the other.

She) Or the more calm one is the one who is living in their own delusion or make believe world of what they think the relationship is all about. This person could be cold and have no heart or no commitment to the relationship at all. There are many personality types that psychiatrists have names for who hold themselves aloft and above human emotions and think that they are better then others. These are called 'sociopaths', sometimes 'psychopaths'.

2. Never permit the behavior of other people to tell you how to feel.

She) The behavior of other people towards you will give you a clue of what you have drawn to you in your life, if it pushes a button, you may need to look inside. But your reactions when they hit the gut feelings inside of you may be warning you to be aware of this person and their way of dealing with relationships.

3. Pay little attention to what people say or do. Instead, try to see their innermost motive for speaking and acting. (Now, apply this very same rule to yourself and you become an enlightened person!)

4. Any friendship requiring the submission of your original nature and dignity to another person is all wrong.

5. Mystically speaking, there is no difference between you and another person. This is why we cannot hurt another without hurting ourselves, nor help another without helping ourselves.

6. When we are free of all unnecessary desires toward other people, we can never be deceived or hurt.

7. You take a giant step toward psychological maturity when you refuse to angrily defend yourself against unjust slander. For one thing, resistance disturbs your own peace of mind.

(However, there are those who are mentally ill and keep slandering others, besides yourself, and in that case it is your responsibility to take actions to stop these people and bring them to justice of somekind, so they can be taken to account, and perhaps get the help needed for their healing)

8. You understand others to the exact degree that you really understand yourself. Work for more self-knowledge.

9. Do not be afraid to fully experience everything that happens to you in your human relations, especially the pains and disappointments. Do this, and everything becomes clear at last.

10. The individual who really knows what it means to love has no anxiety when his love is unseen and rejected.

(BULLSHIT!, this is said by a person who has never really loved and given everything they can and have been betrayed. It will always hurt)

11. If you painfully lose a valuable friend, do not rush out at once for a replacement. Such action prevents you from examining your heartache and breaking free of it.

12. Do not be afraid to be a nobody in the social world. This is a deeper and richer truth than appears on the surface

13. Every unpleasant experience with another person is an opportunity to see people as they are, not as we mistakenly idealize them. The more unpleasant the other person is, the more he can teach you.

(and maybe the teaching is to be able to recognize 'damaged' people so you don't let them into your lives in the first place)

14. You can be so wonderfully free from a sense of injury and injustice that you are surprised when you hear others complain of them.

15. We cannot recognize a virtue in another person that we do not possess in ourselves. It takes a truly loving and patient person to recognize those virtues in another.

16. Do not mistake desire for love. Desire leaves home in a frantic search for one gratification after another. Love is at home with itself.

17. There are parts of you that want the loving life and parts that do not. Place yourself on the side of your positive forces; do all you can to aid and encourage them.

18. You must stop living so timidly, from fixed fears of what others will think of you and of what you will think of yourself.

19. Do not contrive to be a loving person; work to be a real person. Being real is being loving.

20. The greatest love you could ever offer to another is to so transform your inner life that others are attracted to your genuine example of goodness. "

"What is it I see in you that I cannot seem to accept about myself?"

I Believe

Breaking the Ice
Managing the Male Sex Drive

Organizations for those in need of special help:

Are You In a Pathological Relationship Quiz

The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education: For Those in Pathological Love Relationships

Exposing Online Predators and Cyperpaths

The world gets crazier and crazier everyday, doesn't it? The world that many of us thought was there, isn't. The bottom has dropped out of everything. The illusions have been revealed, we have found out who has been pulling the strings behind the scenes. Millions have lost their jobs, have mortgage problems, and foreclosure. What can be done? Amazingly, we have been mislead. We have been taught that we can control government by voting. The founder of the Rothschild dynasty, Mayer Amschel Bauer, told the secret of controlling the government of a nation over 200 years ago. He said, "Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation and I care not who makes its laws." Get the picture? Your freedom hinges first on the nation's banks and money system. It's all about 'commerce'. Freedom is connected with Debt Elimination for each individual. Not only does this end personal debt, it places the people first in line as creditors to the National Debt ahead of the banks. They don't wish for you to know this. It has to do with recognizing WHO you really are in A New Beginning: A Practical Course in Miracles, an informational study. Is your credit rating bad for reasons that seem out of your control? There are ways of credit repair, so you can men those broken fences too. Do you want to keep your children protected from outside forces, there are ways of protecting your children. Do you want to keep your sons and daughters free from 'the draft'? Check this out.

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