Plan for Pygmy Plunder Profferedby: Walter J. Burien, Jr. |
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Who Wants to
Plunder? Opportunity of a lifetime!
I just learned
confidentially that there is a tribe of Pygmies in the jungle that was
overlooked.
They number about
25,000 and they have lived in their primitive ways for over 4000 years
with virtually no change, and no outside contact. They have over 200,000
acres of the richest land on earth. Gold, silver, gems, and much more.
I need about 40
volunteers to join me in taking over all that the Pygmies have. When we get there, they will be amazed and fearful of us. If we take it slow at first, they will look up to us as gods, and if we play our cards right, we can tell them what to do, and they will do it out of amazement or fear of us. Once we have our foot hold, we can introduce some simple laws saying to them, "These laws are standard and good every where else in the world." What would they know? We can force our laws in this arena out of their naiveté and ignorance. We can use some of their resources which they do not know are valuable, sell it, and take some of the money to build up their community with things we want, and if properly promoted to the Pygmies, they will be further amazed with us and think we are helping them out. Everything we do for them will be new to them, so we can exemplify that progress is good, and all we do is great and necessary. They are so ignorant, they will not realize that they are losing control of their own life and property, to us. This is going to be so easy! Hey, if we continue to play our cards right, most of them will even thank us! We have to be careful though. They are 25,000 and we will only be 40. They have those blow guns that shoot poison darts. If they catch on that we are plunderers and not benevolent gods, we might have a big problem.
Now, they have used them for over 4000 years, but with all of the changes we will be bringing into their lives, we can make the danger sound like it is a new development. Then we can move forward without too much opposition. We must first have the Pygmies license their blow guns. Then we can put a licensing fee on their blow guns. We can target the strongest and most fearless Pygmies for violations of our new laws and confiscate their blow guns, and maybe all of their other property, too. At this point, even though these Pygmies are backward and naive, they may start thinking twice about why we are taking their blow guns away. To avoid any opposition, we at this point must introduce our best tool for control. I know a group of Bible thumpers who would love to convert these barbaric savages. We, can selectively bring in a few, and now the Pygmies will be confronted with the unseen God. This will take their attention off their new visible gods, us, and we can now go about our business of securing our plunder. If by some chance the Pygmies catch on to our plundering, we can squeeze the Bible thumpers to assure the Pygmies that we will get ours, when we face the all powerful unseen God. They can also assure the Pygmies that the confusion, hurt, and anguish they feel as our plunder grows, will all disappear when they die and stand before the unseen God. We better make sure those few Bible thumpers are content and preach strong and loud. This venture is exclusively for atheists, so we are getting ours now! And my! It's so easy getting ours now dealing with these primitives who jump at our every word! If all goes well, in probably less that 20 or 30 years, we will own all of the resources, the land, and the Pygmies themselves. Then, if we choose, we can think of a way to eliminate 90% of the Pygmy population. We won't need them anymore. We will have all that they own. They will just be a nuisance and a potential liability to the control that we have secured. It should be pretty easy to eliminate them. We can destroy that Pygmy twin tree altar that we had let them keep, and blame it on a neighboring hostile Pygmy tribe. Once we get a war going, in the confusion, we can eliminate our Pygmy population, and most of the neighboring tribe as well. Hey, we can kill two birds with one stone. It will take us 30 years to take over this tribe, and if we are successful, with the other tribe defeated, we can take over that one too in probably less than 5 years. My, is plundering so sweet! Let's make sure we
keep a few of the Pygmies around for our pleasure though. A "good" Pygmy
is a terrible thing to waste! We will keep a couple of the good workers,
and a few of the best females to play with.
We have to move
fast on this one. The rest of the world has already been plundered. Easy
opportunities like this one may never be seen again!
Keep this
communication confidential. We do not want to tip off other plunderers
of this great new find or we may lose this opportunity to them. The
wealth we can secure here if we play our cards right is obscene, so hush
is the word.
Keep in mind that if you choose to participate in this venture, you can do anything you wish as long as you do not interfere with our overall game plan. Sex, drugs, sadomasochism, whatever you choose, as long as you don't cause a problem for our overall objectives of plunder and takeover of all that the Pygmies possess. We can manipulate those ignorant savages every time. They will believe anything we tell them. Before they wise up to the plunder, it will be too late for them to do anything about it. So as long as we agree to work together and not deviate from the plan, success will be secured, and ours! Upon completion of this venture, you can keep your plunder, or sell it and move on. The choice is yours. There are no restrictions on what you do with your plunder. Your only walking orders will be to maximize the plunder for the 40 until the venture is complete. There is one warning I will give you up front: If you, for some strange reason, become a Pygmy sympathizer, you will be immediately eliminated. No exceptions! The prize is too great to be jeopardized by any loose cannons. If this is the venture and opportunity that you have always dreamed of, please send your confidential resume to: Offices of Homeland Security, Attention: Intake Planning Department, Oberststurmfuhrer Todt Rigid. Once the 40 positions have been filled, the offer will be closed. Anyone who is not selected to be with the 40, don't worry. We expect 3 or 4 Pygmy sympathizers to crop up out of the 40, (it always happens) and their positions will be immediately filled by those on the waiting list. Keep in mind that this venture is confidential. If you mention it to others, whereby you jeopardize the easy plunder for the 40, you will be swiftly dealt with to silence your breech of confidentiality. Well, here's wishing for a prosperous year, and good plundering to come. This story is not just an allegory. Its essential elements are founded in historical and contemporary facts. The patterns are ever-present if you only knew where to look. What can you do to make a difference? Study, learn more, talk to others about it, but most importantly, withdraw your support of this brutal and inhumane system. Below are some practical answers and actions:
by Walter J. Burien, Jr. with editing by AAH
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